4 posts tagged “long beach”
before:
Someone in group tonight told me that I seem comfortable in where I'm in my depression. I've thought about that especially after Dr. Hamada told me that I was choosing to be sick and if I wanted to be better I could be if I would let myself be. I don't like the way I feel. It's lonesome and tiresome. And I wish I could deal with people so that it wouldn't be me against the world. I don't know how to be better and be safe. It seems the two things are polar opposites.
Speaking of polarities, I read Freud's Beyond the Pleasure Principle today. I really felt that I could grasp the idea of the libidinal instinct and the death instinct. I feel like those two forces are pulling me apart. Everything seems to be extremes. It's so hard to find moderation. Everything is black and white and I don't know how you are supposed to balance it out.
I'm tired. I feel drugged out by the Seroquel but Ruby said to give it more time. I have plenty of that. Tonight I sat in group and felt detached. I was dissociating from my feelings because I didn't like the feelings I was having. I know I have to start working through emotions but at times I feel my emotions are so inappropriate. I have to hide them so all the ugly feelings I have won't come out. It's not alright to be mad at someone because you are mad at yourself and you need a target.
Tomorrow D and I are going to Long Beach to see about settling some school things. I'm panicked. I feel resistance to going. I don't know what I'm supposed to talk about or ask for from this guy. And Long Beach has the stigma of being the blackhole to my emotions. Everything went bad there. The entire city is cursed with being a soul sucking monster. Of course we aren't going back to live there we are only going to the campus and some errands. I can make it through that. Ofcourse the morning is a whole other thing.
Ah... this weekend has been a busy busy one.
Friday snuck up on me. I thought it was Thursday and I feel cheated of a day last week... I lost it, or someone stole it. Either way, I was rushed Friday morning when Mario called to plan our date.
He arrived after 12:30 and we went to The Grove and bought tickets to see a movie. We saw Night at the Museum and we bought vegetables. Afterwards we came back to the apartment and I had to put on the Anaheim game while I made us soup. We watched hockey until almost 7:30 and then we went to see an old friend while her other half was away. It was around 11:30 when we got home and I couldn't sleep.
Saturday D and I got up and went out to deal with errands at Target and Home Depot. Having not slept the best, I lost steam and napped in the middle of painting the livingroom. D being the trooper he is continued while I was in the Land of Nod. I came out to find the majority of the painting done. He primered and painted one wall and had given the other the final coat.
Due to the stench of the primer, I suggested we get out of the house and we went to the mall. We got tickets to see Eragon and then we walked around for a while. D got a new coat at The Gap and we got books from Barnes and Noble. The showing was for 10:15 and we didn't get home until almost 1. Again I had trouble sleeping and I was up reading until almost 4.
This morning was hard. I was just feeling out of sorts. I ended up going back to bed and I slept until nearly 1 in the afternoon. But I still wasn't feeling right and I took a long soak in the bath before we had to leave at 3 for LBC. We planned to see an ECHL hockey game for the end of our 2006. To end the year right. We got our tickets and went to CPK for dinner before the game. The Ice Dogs were playing the Falcons. It was a nice time and afterward we came home for an early night of sorts.
Of course I'm not built that way and I insisted we move around the furniture. It took us only about 40 minutes for me to find peace with the situation and we could watch the Ducks game that we TiVoed. So now I am trying to back up some photos so I can clean off my picture folder for this year. I was going to do an end of the year post... but I'm not feeling it tonight... maybe tomorrow.
*sigh*
Anaheim Ducks at the Kings. It was a good game. It was a good good time. Okay... I admit, I am totally in love with hockey, have been for years and years... but yesterday was special. I took a ton and a half of pictures we sat only 13 rows from the ice on the hometeam blue line which means I saw close up--Anaheim spanking the Kings. It was wonderful. Euphoric! Euphoricerful.
So yes... MANY PICTURES.
You ready for >obsession< the pictures? Of course you are excited. Me too... I could pee.
Pregame warm-up:
YAY!!! And my Ducks are still 1st in the League in points.
So after the game D and I went down to Long Beach and hung out with Mario. Mario is good people 110%. We took some time before we met with him to get me new balls for my nose ring. We then stopped by and took some pictures of the sunset over the marina and the Christmas lights.
Yesterday was quite quite awesome, indeed.
