12 posts tagged “dr. scott”
Today is Sunday and as usual I am up before D and I want to be a child and jump on the bed and wake him but he has been really tired lately so I refrain. I would like to do a few chores today. Nothing much just small things. Tomorrow I have therapy and that means the day will be shot. And oh how therapy is going to be rough tomorrow. I have a shit ton of neurotic devices to bring to the table... all the downtime when Nielle was here that caused me to shut down. What's going on with Nicky. My not talking to Dr. Scott about the sleeping issues... although some of those have corrected themselves. And I see Dr. Scott this week and I never got my SMA-12 done and lithium level done. We will have to do that tomorrow morning. It looks like I will be going into work with D tomorrow.
Lightning. Apparently I can't spell the word and rather than pull me aside via phone or email and tell me about my error, Kev called me out publicly. So now I don't just look stupid publicly but I feel dumb and backwoods too. Someday I will learn to spell it without the added e.
My sister is reading Twilight. My mom said she has been taking it to school and reading it. Pip said that her friends don't think she can finish it but I told her to take it a little at a time. Maybe I should have suggested we read a chapter at a time and then talk about it. I am over the moon though that she is trying to read a book like that. I can't wait til she's older and I can have her read City of Bones. Call me a book Nazi for not wanting her to read about incest and homosexuals when she doesn't even know about sex at all. She thinks sex is your gender. She's an innocent babe and I want her to stay like that until she is 80.
D and I started playing World of Warcraft and I made my character, I am a human priestess named Alicante--from the home of the nephilim in The Mortal Instruments. It's a lot of fun. Sometimes really frustrating... like those fucking irate kobolds last night. If D and I hadn't teamed up neither of us would have completed our quest. I wanted a screen cap of my character to post but the realms are down for maintenance until 11:00. Maybe for my next post. The one thing is time really flies when playing. Like really flies. We played last night until midnight. I'm too old for that kind of behavior.
Speaking of WOW the new Guild is up and it is not the best episode. The funniest part is the intro and then the cookies part between Codex and Tink.
I haven't been a fan of James Gunn's Spike internet tv show PG Porn until this week. This week's installment is Roadside Ass-sistance and I thought it was pretty funny. Atleast funnier than the Nathan Fillion one. I find James Gunn to be a funny, a little bit creepy and all out lawless. He goes where men fear to tread. If I paid attention to my Twitter it would behoove me to follow the man.
No post would be complete without me discussing books. First let me say that last week I read all 5 Nightwalker books and only loved the first one. Jacob was awesome. I loved the characters and they showed up in the other 4 books so I was happy about that. I was most excited about Noah and I hated the heroine although I maintained my love for Noah. They were good enough. I would definitely read Jacob again. I don't know about Gideon. And switching gears I finished Demon in my View this morning and I really liked it. I did not like the first Den of Shadows book, In the Forest of the Night but I liked the character of Aubrey. He was unflinchingly evil in the first book and he gets his ass handed to him by a girl but I loved him. He is in the second book and you get to read his perspective and he's a bit softer. I was surprised when I liked it. I immediately grabbed the next book Shattered Mirror to read next. I am also reading The Vampire Academy which I am not enjoying and am determined to finish--if not slowly--for the sake that Belle loves it. I detest the main character. I find her flat out stupid and so abrasive. I think she is supposed to come across as clever but I certainly don't see it. I like two characters Dimitri and Christian. I want Dimitri to hook up with Rose and I've been spoiled and heard that one of her teachers develops feelings for her and it can only be him. I don't see a YA book taking it to where I would like to see with a 25yo and a girl,17. I like Christian and here that Rose is a cunt to him and lies to him about Lissa. Yep, I hate her. Oh, and I like Mason. He's adorable and I like the dynamic between him and Rose. I want to like this book. I want to.
Yesterday in therapy I talked with Dr. Moore about my inability to access more emotions besides anger and fear. I would like to feel sadness. To cry. I would like to feel happiness that isn't hypomania. I would like to feel sublime. My days are marked by an absence of these emotions with blips of high or low energy... with flares of anger or anxiety and I want to create but there is just nothing in me. It's like my soul is dead and my body is just moving around. Dr. Moore said it is probably the meds. She doesn't know how I can access what the meds are suppressing. With the bad things that meds are keeping at bay they took the good stuff too. And the pills aren't even keeping me level. If I told my psychiatrist that he'd increase them again and I want fewer pills not more.
Today I had to see Dr. Scott and it was a good visit even if he did increase my meds. He said that it seems as if I'm doing really well even if I am cycling some. I have to go back in three weeks so well see how things are going then.
Tomorrow is going to be a reading day. I haven't had much me time in the last few weeks. D's been home and I love that, but it really cuts into having the book time. Tomorrow night is hockey. Hopefully I won't sleep through the third period. We shall see.
P.S. I worked hard at the gym today and bicycled for 16 miles.
You know that feeling when you have just feasted and you still want more? I'm living that feeling. I finished Faefever this morning and I crave the next book. The ending of this one is so fucked up and twisted that I need to know how to come back from it. It will be 8 months before the next book comes back out. A long 8 months. I think that I will reread the fever books just a couple of times. I love Barrons and I could live in the world to be near him. I do wonder what his reaction to what Mac does. It won't be pretty. I wonder how you cure pri-ya. And V'lane... where was he when the princes appeared? Yes. I have found another series to love.
Next week the new Morganville book comes out. I am eager for it because I want to know what happens with the group once they are split up. Shane is sent out by Amelie on a suicide mission. Claire and Amelie are off to find Myrnin. Eve with Oliver, and that has to be an ugly pairing. And Michael off to the campus to reduce people in the neighborhoods. Morganville up in flames. No bloodmobile for the vamps. It is going to be a tense read. I can't wait.
I've been feeling a bit off center for a while. Like I'm cycling my mood is normal but my energy is up. I feel elevated. I've started taking more neurontin to help me sleep. I don't think it works. My sleep is all over the place. I need to call Dr. Scott and get an appointment to adjust my meds. I worry that if I don't things will get worse.
I have spent the last few days reading L.J. Smith books. Starting with the Secret Circle books, which give me the title of this post. I'm very confused about these books because some parts are just plain silly but I think my small mind found it all compelling anyway. And I thought the end was way too pat but I reread it three or four times... what does that have to say? And I thought Cassie was really undeserving in the middle book, The Captive. Then I found ebooks of the rest of the Night World books so I've read Dark Angel, Chosen and Soulmate too. I still have three more of those to read and I'm so on the fence as to whether I will buy the Night World omnibuses. Although I do like being able to flip through pages which I can't do with an ebook. I also have her Forbidden Game books in ebook and two others. Sadly not her Dark Visions which I actually am pretty interested in. That came out wrong. I mean that as more so than the others.
On to other books, in my ebook frenzy the other night I found a bunch of Charles de Lint titles, Anne Bishop's Black Jewels, Dark Jewels and Tir Alainn, Christine Warren's The Others books, some Nicholas Sparks stuff, some Maggie Shayne and some Tamora Pierce. I don't think it was what I was looking for from Tamora Pierce but thems the breaks. I also bought a new book at Border's yesterday which was The Hunter's Moon by O. R. Melling which is a Chronicles of Faerie book. It looks really interesting if I can stand to read something that doesn't have a romantic edge to it. We will see. And D finally finished reading the Mortal Instruments books and he thinks I'm ridiculous. (spoilers upcoming) He says there is no way that she would write a love story through the first two books that would end in the second before the story is over. And he things that there is a twist coming up that will exonerate Clary and Jace. I hope that that's true. He also said that he considers the three main characters to be Jace, Clary and Valentine which I guess is true but I hadn't thought of it like that before. And his reasons were Clary for what's obvious, Jace because there is no shadowhunter world for Clary without him. And Valentine because he's the glue that binds Jace and Clary's story. And I am not talking about the love story as that came as a result of them finding each other. The world and the binding were already there. *Sigh* It's such a good story and I am going to read it again this week now that D is done. But before that I will finish the Night World stories and my 20 in 20 book, The Kitchen God's Wife by Amy Tan.
Yesterday was D's birthday, he turned 27, and a bunch of us went to play putt putt at the Putting Edge near Marina del Rey. It was a scary place, all in black light with glow in the dark paint and neon balls. We even got bracelets to signify that we were playing golf. It was an unusual experience at that. Of course we got to be in front of someone rude and I snapped and cussed the guy out and threw a ball at his kids head. It was seriously not my best moment and I have been having major regret pangs ever since. I still wish the whole family death but I wish I could have done it cooly and calmly. I think I ruined it for Susie and that really bothers me. After that we all went out to eat at Lares. It was Aaron, Mario and Yanna, Paul and Amanda, Susie, Belle, D and me. We had a nice time and I even had two pieces of quesadilla for D. Of course I explained to him that that was a special birthday thing and no more solid foods from now on. The service wasn't the best at Lares though and I don't know if we will go back again anytime soon. Well maybe D will go there for lunch but not me and him. It was good seeing Aaron and Mario though. I talked to both about seeing them more often. It sounds as if we will maybe do a couple weekend visits down the 405.
Tomorrow is Monday again and I will have therapy. I atleast have this weekends birthday thing to show that I'm socializing. Oh and D talked to Erin about going to Fairbanks for Thanksgiving. I am very excited about that. So I will be able to talk about that and my upcoming visit to see Dr. Scott on Wednesday. I can also tell her that I will be out with friends this Wednesday night when we go to the So You Think You Can Dance tour and the Friday out with the girls. I'm doing better. I'm in a much better place this week than I was in last week.
Today was my 2nd year anniversary. D took me out for lunch, to Taco Bell.:) And I had a minor heart attack from a phone call from Dr. Moore while on my way to see Dr. Scott. My appointment went well and I don't have to go back for a month. I went back to D's office with him and read while he went about his duties. Then came home late and I just put turkey breasts in the oven for him while he went to the gym. My one disappointment was that I really had wanted flowers for my anniversary but it's okay. I got San Diego so what am I disappointed about?
I did finish You Suck: A Love Story and I didn't find the last 150 pages as hard to read as I had feared. I loved the part with the Animals, a group of guys who were Tommy's friends from the Safeway he had worked at. And Abby and Foo Dog had some parts that made me laugh. So I've read 2 of my 20 in 20 and I am feeling good about it so far. I am feeling a bit leery about what I'm going to read next week. It's a shame that Tithe hadn't been one of the books on my list since it left me with a good feeling about reading and this book a not so good feeling. I'm scared I'm going to pick the smallest book on the list just so I can read it fast and be done with it. I will come to that bridge on Sunday.
I think in my future is some tv watching and I am so shamefully resistant to it. I, unlike the world, did not watch 90210 last night and I have not yet tasted it's badness. I did here from Erin Whipple that Kellan is in it so I am determined to was the horribleness no matter what. What I will do for my Kellan Lutz love. And we just got The Outsiders from Netflix today. D has never seen it, to which I am appalled. So we are going to educate him. The TV season starting is just going to mean more hours I won't be reading and that might balance me some but I declare now that I will resent it. Especially since there are more shows that I want to watch this year. Maybe I will make Saturday TV day. It shouldn't interfere that much with hockey. I shouldn't die if one day I don't read. If it flows into more than one day I'm bound to be pissy and some episodes will just be culled for the better good. It would all be easier if TV season and hockey season didn't occur at the same time.
But in my immediate future is the cooking of turkey breasts and the reading of a book I've already read once and may not need reading again, but is being read for an indulgence. I don't indulge in reading books I've read so much anymore with all the unread books I have. But this week's plan was already shot to hell by me reading all the Holly Black books and not the ones I picked out. Maybe the planning of books is just a fool's thought. Anyway... I'm thinking it's time to bring tonight to it's end soon.
In the meantime I read Rhonda Nelson's The Player this morning and I think the series makes so much more sense now that I read the first book. I had read the second book, The Specialist, first and it was okay but it refers back to Audrey and Jamie and I didn't know enough about their story to get the subtleties. So now I am on top of it and I really liked Jamie and Audrey. I don't know if it was reading it and filling in the gaps or what but I think I liked them better than Payne and Emma, from the second book. Maybe I should reread it again before moving on to Guy's story in The Maverick. I guess reading either of them is better than reading You Suck at this point.
There has been much goings on in the Twilight-verse the last few weeks. The Midnight Sun leak that got Stephenie Meyer reacting like a drama queen and punishing all her fans for the betrayal of someone close to her. I think
I got to talk to someone yesterday who is bipolar but is managing without meds and it had the oddest effect of longing and despair in me. My experience is that I need meds to manage. I lose control to easily and go right down the drain. Not to mention I get the longest spells of depression and mania. A month of either and I'm disfunctioning. I see Dr. Scott today and I plan to mention to him my reaction although Dr. Moore is more likely to have me understand it. I don't see her until next Monday. Silly little thing to let get under my skin. I need to read and forget it all. This is who I am and I need to stop letting these little things interfere with me being whole again. Just throwing debris in the minefield.
I just had the nicest Rob Pattinson dream. He was stranded with Susan, Belle, another 2 girls and I and we were walking these streets. It was someone's birthday and Rob took this book home with him and he made the girl a birthday present. It had pictures of him and facts about him in it. The last fact was that he wished he made more money per film. Belle called him on it and he blushed. I told him the dates of my birthday as well as Belle's and he laughed. Just as I asked him how we could contact him in the future I woke up and that was so disappointing. I really would have liked hearing how to contact him. I don't care that it was a dream. It was a good dream. My birthday is 9 October and I would love it if Rob was there for it. I wouldn't mind dreaming more dreams with him in the starring role. Nope the day started really nicely.
Today is the Stephenie Meyer signing and concert and I am a little anxious about it. I know it's assembly line and that you don't really get to talk with her. That all disappoints me. But I guess that is what you can expect when someone becomes a bookstar. I don't really care at all about Justin Furstenfeld, I'm not a Blue October fan. But I will get my book signed and all will be better with the world. Right?
I was on Lion & Lamb the other day and came across pictures of Rachelle Lefevre and Ashley Green from H magazine. Since I totally have a crush on Rachelle I had to steal the pictures to post here. I think she looks fabulous in these pics. She's so sexy and beautiful. *sigh* I think the only thing better than a picture of her is watching an interview of her or a video of her acting. She is so put together and eloquent. Yay for Rachelle. One day I hope to meet her and then I will tell her how much I adore her. In a nonscary, non socially idiotic way.
I started Acheron and I have read 156 pages and I have to hand it to Sherri the beginning of the book is dark, twisted, sickening, sad and makes you want to die. And this is all still back story we haven't even got to present times, I'm on December 11, 9529 BC. I feel pity for Acheron, something I have never felt before. I need the back story to be over soon though. I don't know how much more pain, suffering, humiliation and hatefulness I can continue to read. D says he is looking forward to reading this book because it wraps up the Acheron arc. After this book the arc will be Jaden's and I am looking forward to that. I don't think Acheron ever peaked my curiosity like he was supposed to. Jaden definitely has. Jaden... Jaden equals yummy.
I went to the doctor yesterday. I told him that the Neurontin works to make me fall asleep and he told me I should start taking it every night. So I am officially up to 8 pills a day. That seems like an awful lot to me but maybe I'm looking at the wrong things. I should concentrate on the fact that it is all helping me and forget about the details. I'm just glad that the Neurontin isn't causing horrible side effects. It's better than the Abilify, Lamictal, Clozapine, Xyprexa, Topamax, Zoloft, and the others. And D and I came to a decision about staying with Dr. Scott. Since D is changing jobs and his insurance won't be the same... We are going to stay with him and pay out of pocket. Use all my visits that we will have through the plan to see Dr. Moore. It's an imperfect plan but I don't have to start getting ready to start over so I really like it.
few days ago I got a box of things together for my sister. I got her two Gwen Stefani dolls at Comic Con. A book called Avalon. A few magnets from the zoo and some little things. I forgot to include a note but she probably won't miss it. Iam trying to let her know that I haven't forgotten her. She is so sad at home. And I've heard how mean my mother is to her on the phone. I just want her to feel loved for a few minutes. I don't think that gifts are going to change her circumstance but I figure that they can't hurt. Of course my mom could take away the dolls and never let my sister open them like she has done with several of the barbies I've sent. It's jus so hard to find a happy medium where I can do the right thing and make every one happy. I miss my sister like crazy and wish I could go see her but I'm still not cleared to travel on my own. If I could I would go home in a second. I don't care that I would be sleeping on the floor of her room.
The second act of Dr Horrible's SAB was posted tonight and it was really good (see title of post). I really love NPH's character. Only Joss would make an evil character that you are sympathetic to and the good guy a dick. I can't wait to see how it ends. Dr. Horrible has a Twitter that you can follow. It looks like Felicia Day has one too. D's new girlfriend.
I had a doctor's appointment today and he feels that I'm having manic episodes... the not sleeping, mainly. So he gave me another mood stabilizer to take, Neurontin. I only have to take it as needed when I'm having trouble sleeping. I also have to be monitoring myself to make sure nothing is getting out of hand. I don't want to switch my medications and I like how I'm feeling right now. Sometimes it really sucks being bipolar. Don't take for granted how normal people feel everyday. I'd give my left arm for it.
I only have one small thing to report on the Twilight front today and that is a interview with Rob on MTV's Movie Blog. I cringe when I watch it and he says Twilight Moms. It's a sad sad world. Tomorrow is when the trailer comes out on Yahoo! Movies. I am really excited for it. Not to mention that it will be shown before Dark Knight too. Go Twilight.
And now I need to wrap this up so I can go vote for Gev and Twitch on SYTYCD. The show tonight was just troubling. It really makes me wonder how they would be able to give the title to anyone other than Will. I don't even think you really have to watch any further. Sad.
Shit.
The time has gotten away with me with the help of the new anti-psychotic that Dr. Scott prescribed for me. It makes me sleep 10-16 hours a day and when I am up I am curled up in bed wanting to sleep. It's not been kind to me. I have taken up with reading romance novels again. Self medicating with happily-ever-afters. So today I met with Dr. Scott again and he was disappointing but agreed that I am overly sedated and that I need to go back to the Lithium and Geodon. I am hoping that I shake the feeling of dysphoria and over-eating, soon. I definitely felt better before this change. But that is the reason why I have been shit with emails and writing in here. I have no get up and go other than to blow through books.
Speaking of which.... I have read too many in the last two weeks. I got a bit overly enthused with Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen and typically bleed almost tears at the great reveal because it was only an ever after and far from happy. I really liked Nate Cross though and Ruby Cooper didn't make me want to bite tacks either. I also read the second in the duology of Ephemera, Belladonna. I liked the second book much more than I liked the first, but having said that I thought that Sebastian was a better character in the second book than Michael was. I liked Belladonna and Lee... I really wished that Lee or Teaser would get their own books.
I read the graphic novel for Wanted last weekend. It is so vastly different from the screenplay adaptation... I don't think I could be so bold as to compare them. I will say that the graphic novel is very controversial. I don't like the comic book rendering or characterization of anyone. It is an antihero story where Wesley is pretty much a base character who does what he pleases, murder rape and anything in between. In the movie he is more of a victim of circumstances, very much untrue in the comic. The novel also is rather racist and misogynistic. It's a lot to swallow. I really didn't like it. I think I actually like the movie more, having read it.
Another CD that I have got my hands on is the new Alkaline Trio CD. I have had it on my desktop for a week now and haven't even listened to it. I am trying to push myself into the commitment to do so tomorrow. I have been a little on the fence about their last two releases. But to be honest, I think I am just a neophobe and everything new falls short of the old tried and true. I mean to play it a few times and see if I can't give it a bit more of a fair trial. To be really honest I am too unmotivated by new music these days. I keep playing my old favorites and shutting myself down to new stuff. It's a real ugly thing to do.
Now with being on the Lithium and Geodon again, I am hoping that I will have some sort of a drive again. I have felt really crumby about not collecting myself and putting thought down. I mustn't forget that I promised to do no fewer than three entries a week.
Oh and before I forget to mention it, Borders has released a date when they will market a Twilight 16-month calendar for 2009. This is a hint of the marketing blitz for the movie. It makes me a bit weary and it's still early. There is a 13 year old in me that wants the calendar and then a 34 year old that rolls her eyes. Why don't they market theme park rides? The Kellan Lutz amusement park ride and the Rob Pattinson adventure ride? I would pay good money for that kind of experience.
Speaking of experiences, no connection other than another afterthought, Evgeni Malkin! The man, the myth, the other white meat signed to a multi-year contract with the Pens. I was over the moon to hear it. I was worried with them letting Malone and Roberts go. I am a bit of purest and I hate change but I was singing my prayers when the news came across that my boy would be going no where. It almost makes it painful to have all these weeks before training camp and pre-season games start. I think that the Pens will be playing the Kings this year in LA too. It is definitely something to inspire one to have hockey thoughts.
